No One's First and Then You're Next Review

You may have heard of this little band who's name comes from the end of one Virginia Woolf sentence and the beginning of the next . Modest Mouse. Scoring a steaming hot load of popularity that propelled them out of the whole “indie scene” and into the “pssh, I was way into that band before they got all popular” status with “Good News for People who Love Bad News.”
Man... I started listening to “No One's First, and Then You're Next” and.... I want to like it really badly.
Let's break it down.

Read more »

Modern Warfare 2 at a glance

>

One word of advice, if you're new to the game, play Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2 drunk. The pain that you will feel as you are bulldozed over by the more experienced players at around 2 o'clock in the morning will be a much better experience if you just fucking don't care about what's happening to you at the moment. You'll be playing at around 4pm, when the kids are getting home from school and putting off homework for a few rounds, and kicking some royal ass, when you look at the clock and realize that, SHIT! Eight fucking hours have gone by! You've got work in the morning! WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU GOING TO DO? You're going to keep on playing because, in reality, you've never looked at the clock. You're still fucking playing at this moment aren't you? You're not going to read some fucking review because you've got the game and are kicking some major ass at it.
Goddamn it, I hate you.
When you play this game (because you will) expect to get roped into pointless conversations that begin with “I took off my shirt now, and my mic cord keeps on getting caught in my nipple hair.” This will be the tip of the iceberg that is a massive load of bullshit.
A friend of mine once said “I can't understand how people can say that they hate a game but keep on playing it.” A few days later we were playing online and he ceased actually using words, opting instead for pure unadulterated vitriol for the game, it's developers, the developer's mothers, wishing that every single person that was in any way affiliated with it fell in a well. A well of fire. While they have... something else horrible being done to them. The crazy thing is HE KEPT ON PLAYING. That is the epitome of Modern Warfare 2.
Do you like playing annoying games that you're not very good at and continuously die for seemingly no fucking reason? DO YOU? I WISH I COULD MAKE THE FONT BIGGER SO I COULD MAKE A BIGGER DO YOU? IF SO I WHOLE-HEARTEDLY RECOMMEND MODERN WARFARE 2. If not, then play something like, I don't know, Number Muncher.
Now, seriously, this game has a leveling system in multi-player. That is awesome. What is more awesome is playing it when you've been drinking off and on the whole day. What is more awesome is making boisterous claims when you've been drinking over x-box live and cursing all that oppose you. What is even more fun is realizing that you've been harassing kids that are at the most 14 years old with the most violent and explicit insults that can occur to you.
I shit you not, someone told someone else they were going to cover them with a “sperm blanket.” I'm pretty sure that x-box live chat would be the nadir of humanity if they weren't so fucking creative with it.
People that would enjoy this game: ones that have a ton of time to give; people who are infatuated with modern military technology; 14 year olds; people who have not progressed beyond the mental capacity of 14 years old; the Amish; people that have ever “gamed naked;” anyone that owns a microphone and is connected to x-box live.

Demon's Souls Review

Demon's Souls
When I was younger I could not play RPGs all the way through because I had to do things like school and after school activities that kept me involved in the community. Also, I wouldn't read the dialogue and my puzzle solving skills were sub-par. Since I've been 15, and pretty much since the N64 came out I've been playing through games more and more, with each successful completion adding to my ego and making me think “Hey, I'm a pretty good gamer. So I can't get everything in the game, but I can do a ton of quests and actually beat the game.” Underneath those thoughts has been the sneaking suspicion that I wasn't actually improving, but the games themselves were getting easier.
Enter Demon's Souls.
Demon's souls is a cold iron spike in lieu of the warm nipple that gamers up till now have been sucking sweet sweet milk of ridiculously powered up characters and forgiving puzzles. It takes things that we have taken for granted and throws them away; leaving us with our hands outstretched, mooneyed, and putting together exactly what just happened. Demon's Souls is how I imagine it feels to be raped.

Read more »

Flaming Lips Embryonic Review

DO NOT BUY THE NEW FLAMING LIPS ALBUM 'EMBRYONIC' YOU WILL DIE ON THE ROAD. If you do buy it, you'll be treated to one or two good songs before listening to the rest of the album on a roadtrip and then be lulled to sleep at the wheel. You will become one of those white roadside crosses.


If you're like me in any way you loudly proclaim that you're extreme and then huddle in a ball of neurosis. You make excuses to not hang out with your friends while at the same time wondering why you haven't developed into that beautiful social butterfly with the charming quips you dream about occasionally when you're not masturbating angrily to Filipino torture-porn. That and whenever The Flaming Lips release an album you get really excited for a few hours and listen to every little bit that you can get your hands on. After that few hours is up you start to wonder why you were getting so excited and begin questioning why you liked them so much in the first place. Then you pop in Yoshimi Battles the Pink Robots, eat something cold from the 'fridge and think about brewing your own soda.

Read more »

TEE JEE! GO! FIGHT! DAN DEACON REVIEW!

Have you heard of Dan Deacon? Do you love searingly complex beats with superb instrumentation? How about something else that ends in "n?" Look no further. Dan Deacon is the peak of intelligent dance musix at the moment with EVERYTHING THAT I mentioned before, of course that only adds up to one compliment, but if you know me, that's a lot.
But you don't know me, so you shouldn't care!!! OUR LOVE WILL NEVER BE FREE!
Most recently Dan, the usually one man band from Mary-LAND released the album Bromst, and since it's spring release I haven't stopped listening to it for more than a week.
What sets Mr. Deacon apart from most other music is the extreme quirky complexity that's present in pretty much all his songs, couple that with his usage of a voice manipulator to sound like a chipmunk, and you've got something spun out of a mystical daydream.
He's also half dragon with a sprinkling of magic.
Also, during shows he pretty much hypnotizes everyone in the crowd to engage in CRAZY HIJINKS. wow I remember the quality of that video being higher.
What was I talking about?
You may have noticed from the above video that Dan gets in the crowd when he's doing a show. He's typically never up on a stage.
THE SONGS!

1: Build Voice

The album kicks off with a slow building powerhouse that features brass accompaniment and a player piano that's been digitally fed it's lines to play things that no human could.

2: Red F
Because of the jarring background noise that is largely present for the beginning of the song, this is easily my least favourite song on the album. Hearkening back to Dan's circuit-bending days, the name of the game here is distortion. The layered vocals also feature that chipmunk voice that I mentioned. It starts harsh so much so that I usually skip this track, but it finishes smooth....ly to

Read more »